I love Christian songs, even more these days because I put my life against them in comparison. I do this to see how much the song relates to me and my experiences. These days I am going deeper, when I hear a song that I can relate a life experience with, I think about the details of that life experience and sometimes feel compelled to write about them.

This is a dangerous song – one that should not be sang lightly because it has a catchy beat – if you mutter these words, you had better be prepared to hold on tight for the roller coaster ride you are about to get buckled into. Signing this song is as dangerous, if not more dangerous then praying the prayer, “God not my will but your will be done”.

The song, Keep making me.

The words…
Make me broken… So I can be healed…’Cause I’m so calloused…And now I can’t feel…I want to run to You…With heart wide open…Make me broken

Make me empty…So I can be filled…’Cause I’m still holding…Onto my will…And I’m completed…When you are with me…Make me empty

Make me lonely…So I can be Yours…’Til I want no one…More than You, Lord…’Cause in the darkness…I know You will hold me…Make me lonely

[Chorus:]
‘Til You are my one desire…’Til You are my one true love…’Til You are my breath, my everything…Lord, please keep making me

My fights with God.
Because of my deep rooted faith in who He is and what I know because of Him, I stand and stood on the promises he gives. I buried into him for strength and resolve. He made it bearable to get through (going through). Yet – I will be transparent in telling you that because He is my best friend, He knowing this was all going to go down, felt like I had been betrayed.

You know how you feel when someone you love knows something about you – or about serious news and doesn’t say anything – it’s a betrayal. That was my fight with God. Knowing and accepting He loves me and is there, but feeling ultimately betrayed because He created me and my life and gave me my children, and my whole existence, He knew I would endure this. That pissed me off. It hurt. I have asked him several times in tear filled anguish – why, why me? Why us?

Maybe it’s because He knew we would be obedient, maybe a family needed to see how we traversed through it (are). Maybe it was pure testimony that others needed to witness, that you can take such an awful ugly thing and with God, you will walk through it. You will not be destroyed. No matter how bad Satan tries to attack you in this.

I will not be moved
This is a victory song that I can sing at my weakest or at my strongest. It still applies no matter where I am, happy, sad, going through trials or completely content.

I am stubborn by nature, and I can dig my heals in to situations I want to remain in. But also, when I have had enough because the threat is too much, I can high tail it out of any situation with the best of them.
This song reminds me that my God is bigger. – Bigger then what? Everything!

I won’t be moved, I won’t be scared into moving, I won’t be bullied into moving, I won’t be charmed into moving, I won’t be bribed into moving, I won’t be grieved into moving.

Through frustrations with God, or myself, I will not be moved. Through lies whispered or screamed, through addictions and strongholds, I will not be moved, through taking people I love, I will not be moved.

On Christ – the solid Rock I stand – all other ground is sinking sand. I will NOT be moved.

A broken halleluiah
This is a vow song, a wedding song from me to Christ. It’s a battle cry in the midst of war. It’s an – I am getting beat up – but I love you and I know you know what you are doing, statement.

The words:
I can barely stand right now….Everything is crashing down,…And I wonder where You are.

I try to find the words to pray….I don’t always know what to say,…But You’re the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don’t know what your plan is…I know you’re making beauty from these ashes.

I’ve seen joy and I’ve seen pain….On my knees, I call your name….Here’s my broken hallelujah.

With nothing left to hold onto…I raise these empty hands to you….Here’s my broken hallelujah.

You know the things that have brought me here….You know the story of every tear…. ‘Cause you’ve been here from the very start.

When all is taken away… don’t let my heart be changed….Let me always sing Hallelujah
When I feel afraid, don’t let my hope be erased…Let me always sing Hallelujah….Let me always sing Hallelujah.

I will always sing…I will always sing…Here’s my broken hallelujah