Getting to the head of this emotional weariness, I asked God to give me SOMETHING.

– I guess I had to ask…
He gave me Positive. I am supposed to focus on the positive.

We went through a quick lesson. (Bear with me, this happened)…

I thought of something that would normally come to my head: Dakota. My next thought was the pain and agony and sadness that comes from missing her. I wasn’t focused on missing her. I was focused on the PAIN of missing her, the result of missing her. (The negative)

Now God said, focus on the positive. I thought Dakota, and thought of how she made me smile. My whole body warmed up, my eyes got filled with tears and my soul was over turning inside, happy.

Because without experiencing Dakota, I would have never felt so loved  the way that she does, or the happy  that is deeply rooted in who I am because of her.

She taught me something about myself that I forgot along the way. I have been so blinded under grief and concentrating on merely my own survival inside a dying shell of a person that I lost who I was. I used to flourish because of who I was. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, but God gave me my flavor. What I remembered about what she specifically taught me changed my ever evolving quest to be better.  Never sell out – always be who you are, and fuck em if they don’t like it.

Intro:
This is a spin on what I experience in Life After Dakota.
(To get the full on story of how I lost my 15 year old daughter look at some of the earlier posts)
I hope that you enjoy the NEW SPIN with Focus Positive.
The writing style will change based off of my experience, my feeling, my calling, my passion and of course anything that I have learned.

I encourage you to read my past posts; there’s good “stuff” – straight forward, raw emotion. That is the kid of person that you will shortly find me to be – I am open and I am honest and its raw, because life is just that.
I hope that you find entertainment, because if not I should pack it in right now – what are real life struggles if there isn’t some fun mixed in it somewhere right? Who wants to read depressing lulls? Not I, there is enough of that everywhere we look. Besides, the Spin Is called: Focus Positive…. no false advertisement here.

I hope that you find encouragement if you are facing something like this, or other challenges that have you struggling to create a smile through the dark agony we sometimes have to face: in the morning, the wee hours of dawn, the sudden quiet and hot blackness of night or about 2 O’clock in the afternoon when it blasts you again in the middle of a big important meeting with VIP Customers from Japan. I want to offer up a different perspective. I don’t want to bring the same self help, healthy, looking from the outside in, kind of message. I am in the trenches, I am right next to you, going through my own personal hell, looking to heal and searching for the light. The sky is black ladies and gentleman and the rain is pouring down. Lightning flashes unexpectedly and just when you think you can’t breathe through it anymore… there is a break, a clearing in the clouds and a warmth of the purest of pure love comes and envelopes your whole being. You would stay here in this perimeter of safety and protection, but like any good soldier we are all here on a set mission and a set purpose. Sometimes part of the fight is going through one hell of a storm, but your commander will never leave you nor forsake you – and I reiterate, I am in the trenches too, with you.
I hope that you pass this on (God forbid), to someone  you know that may need to read a site like this one.

Peace