Getting to the head of this emotional weariness, I asked God to give me SOMETHING.

– I guess I had to ask…
He gave me Positive. I am supposed to focus on the positive.

We went through a quick lesson. (Bear with me, this happened)…

I thought of something that would normally come to my head: Dakota. My next thought was the pain and agony and sadness that comes from missing her. I wasn’t focused on missing her. I was focused on the PAIN of missing her, the result of missing her. (The negative)

Now God said, focus on the positive. I thought Dakota, and thought of how she made me smile. My whole body warmed up, my eyes got filled with tears and my soul was over turning inside, happy.

Because without experiencing Dakota, I would have never felt so loved  the way that she does, or the happy  that is deeply rooted in who I am because of her.

She taught me something about myself that I forgot along the way. I have been so blinded under grief and concentrating on merely my own survival inside a dying shell of a person that I lost who I was. I used to flourish because of who I was. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, but God gave me my flavor. What I remembered about what she specifically taught me changed my ever evolving quest to be better.  Never sell out – always be who you are, and fuck em if they don’t like it.